When someone hurts us in some way, the act of forgiveness can be a real challenge. We want to be mad about what they did to us and hold onto that resentment like a security blanket. The problem with this behavior is that the only person being hurt by holding onto resentment is the person holding it. If we stew over our resentment and bitterness, eventually it can consume us. While forgiveness is really hard, it’s extremely important. It is essential to healing and to healthy relationships; including your relationship with yourself.
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the act of letting go of negative feelings and resentment. This is a deliberate and conscious decision that an individual makes. Forgiveness isn’t an unconscious action. It happens when an individual has determined that they are ready to let go of negative feelings that they have been holding onto.
What forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness is not a display of weakness. It doesn’t mean that you are absolving someone else of their responsibility in causing you pain. It only means that you are letting go of the resentment you hold for that person. The wrong action is still there, you are just no longer allowing those feelings to interrupt your life.
Why you should forgive.
Holding on to pain, fear and the past is going to keep you from moving forward. These things hold us back and are emotionally draining. It is really easy to get stuck in a hole of hostility which makes letting go and forgiving difficult. But, the act of forgiveness brings about a sense of peace, improved relationships and a greater sense of well-being.
Remember that forgiveness is about you.
You should never forgive someone to make them feel better. Forgiveness is about you. It is you letting go of something that is bothering you. Many people forgive because they think it’s what the other person wants them to do. The true act of forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. You don’t even have to tell them that you’re forgiving them. Forgiveness is about you letting go of negative feelings and inviting in peaceful ones.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that all is forgotten.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have forgotten the crimes committed against you. Those memories will still be present in your mind and relationships may be forever altered because of those actions. Forgiveness is about you releasing your resentment and hostility to foster a sense of peace and to build healthy relationships into the future.
